Essay check #4

Essay check #4

Đề bài

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problems be solved?

Bài viết của học viên

These days, with the development of living standard, people seem to be easier to have health problems due to being overweight. It is really important to find out what is the main reasons for the growth in overweight in society.

The main reason is about our busy life. We spend almost daily time on studying, working and earning money. We don’t have enough free time to eat a healthy diet, just have fast and over-nutritious kinds of food, which day by day create a bad eating habits causing fat excess and even stomachache. More and more people blame on having no time to do exercise while government ignoring to provide practiced equipment in the parks and they don’t have more money to take a body shape courses.

For those reason above, to have a better life, we must find out the reasonable solutions to face with the increasing in overweight. Each of us should define which suitable way to control our calories we eat every day and try to make a healthy eating habits. We should balance our life by separating times between working, studying and relaxing.  Besides that, we should take time to do exercise, make use of our free moments for cooking to ensure our good meals.

In conclusion, due to the overweight can lead us having a bad health status and many serious disease, we have to avoid ourselves from bad habits and create a healthy life styles. We just live only one time so why we don’t choose the better one?

Word count: 297

Nhận xét

Task achievement: Người viết có thể khia triển ý tưởng cho đề bài, tuy nhiên bố cục còn chưa rõ ràng, và cách trình bày ý chính chưa đạt yêu cầu.

Vocabulary: Ngôn ngữ ở mức độ phổ thông, với từ vựng đơn giản và cấu trúc câu bị lặp nhiều. Tuy nhiên có một số nỗ lực nhất định với các từ vựng khó.

Grammar: Ngữ pháp còn nhiều lỗi sai và cấu trúc câu chưa linh hoạt.

Cohesion: Ý tưởng rõ ràng và tương đối có sự liên kết.

Sửa bài 

Bấm xem ở chế độ toàn màn hình để thấy được phần sửa lỗi ở cột bên phải.

Essay check #3

Essay check #3

Đề bài

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Bài viết của học viên

The past decades have witnessed tremendous advancements in medical science which contributes to our increased life span and general well-being. While many people express concerns over possible far-reaching consequences of longevity, this is incontrovertibly a positive trend for society.

Admittedly, there are a number of risks that society may cope with as life expectancy improves. This trend puts an enormous strain on the provision of good-quality medical services by the government. Indeed, with the unprecedented growth rates of the elderly population in recent years, more funds clearly need to be allocated for medical researches and practices to ensure the quality of healthcare for this group of population. Also, the rise in the number of senior workers may hinder career prospects of their much younger and inexperienced colleagues. As more elderly workers remain in the workplace despite exceeding their retirement age, the young labor force may find it difficult to prove their potential and acquire recognition.

However, the growth of the elderly population also offers substantial benefits on personal and social grounds. As life expectancy increases, one has more time to spend with their family, compensating the lack of devotion in early years of one’s life. This, as a result, would provide one the opportunities to engage in family events and further enrich their emotional life in old age. Furthermore, the growth in number of older age groups means that more of them can contribute to society either by providing training for junior staff in the workplace or participating in social activities. Not only does this enhance their general welfare but it also allows them to integrate into the immediate community after quitting jobs.

In conclusion, while the growing number of the elderly due to improved healthcare may bring about certain disadvantages, society mainly benefits from this prevalent trend. To minimize the drawbacks, however, the government should go to greater lengths to control population growth and provide further medical support to the older age groups.

Word count: 324

Nhận xét

  • Task achievement: Người viết diễn đạt ý tưởng rất rõ ràng, mạch lạc với bố cục chuẩn mực. Ý tưởng được khai triển đầy đủ, với nhiều giải thích và ví dụ cụ thể.
  • Vocabulary: Ngôn ngữ của bài viết đạt yêu cầu của IELTS Writing, với từ ngữ phong phú, mức độ lặp lại rất ít. Các từ đi đôi với nhau và từ vựng học thuật được sử dụng đúng và hiệu quả.
  • Grammar: Cấu trúc câu và ngữ pháp sử dụng đúng và đa dạng.
  • Cohesion: Ý tưởng liên kết rất tốt với các liên từ nối kết rõ ràng.

Sửa bài

Bấm xem ở chế độ toàn màn hình để thấy được phần sửa lỗi ở cột bên phải.

Essay check #2

Essay check #2

Đề bài

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Bài viết của học viên

In whole life, people seem to have their own dreams to pursuit. And it is mostly believed that success will come from luck. From my point of view, to step on the road covered by roses to success, you must be got injured from thousands of thorns. I absolutely persist that luck cannot help you overcome failures without hard working and determination.

The first evidence of this notion I point out is opportunity does not come twice. You might be fortunately born in a wealthy family and think that there is no need to work because of having inheritance from ancestors. Therefore, it is widely formed in each people that just count on luck, then success will come. Take the son of Bac Lieu Dasher, for example, born in a richest family in the South of Vietnam at that time. He immersed into dissipations and gambling, consequently, he became homeless because of paying for a huge debt. Therefore, if someone does not use existing advantages, achievements are not attained as a result.

The second one is create fortune yourself instead of wasting time to wait for it. For instant, Steve Jobs, one of the most famous people in the world, was a CEO of Apple. Before becoming an inspiring person for next generation, he underwent a variety of difficulties: was an orphan, quit school, be fired by CEO who he hired… Nevertheless, he made opportunity by himself by tirelessly working for in his whole career path. If, in those days, he blamed for his fate, gave up his career path, he would not gain success like this.

In conclusion, you may attain achievement in short-term by luck, however, in the long run, the best elements are hard-working and determination. So, if you look forward to a miracle it means that failures will come to you soon.

Nhận xét 

  • Task achievement: Người viết có thể bảo vệ thành công luận điểm của mình với đầy đủ ý và ví dụ.
  • Vocabulary: Ngôn ngữ ở mức trung bình. Cần tăng cường từ vựng học thuật. Tránh sử dụng từ ‘you’; thay vào đó, nên dùng ngôi nhân xưng thứ 3.
  • Grammar: Cấu trúc câu và văn phạm ở mức trung bình.
  • Cohesion: Ý tưởng có sự liên kết, nhưng chưa thực sự hoàn hảo.

Sửa bài

Bấm xem ở chế độ toàn màn hình để thấy được phần sửa lỗi ở cột bên phải.

Essay check #1

Essay check #1

Đề bài

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

Bài viết của học viên

Nowadays, governments and scientific experts have been putting much effort on saving wild animals and birds. However, some people claim that it is not necessary to do that and we are spending lots of time and resources on this problem. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this idea

There are two principal reasons for my opinion. Firstly, this issue is still a necessary and important one to discuss about due to the fact that there are still lots of animals which are endangered and extinct every day. People are hunting them although the governments are implementing many laws to protect ones. According to some researches, in 2014, hundreds of species are completely disappeared and thousands of ones are endangered. Sooner or later, the majority of species in our planet will be gone forever and the ecosystem will be profoundly imbalanced.

Secondly, although the change is happening and many animals and birds are saved from extinction, the process is very slow comparing to the effort we put on. Many hunters are still outlaws and never arrested for what they have been done to the fauna. Hence, we still have to invest on this issue to diminish the consequences.

In conclusion, the idea that we are giving lots of attention and resources to protect wild animals and birds is somewhat pointless, from my point of view. In fact, we have to put more and more effort on this issue as well as find out other ways to ensure that this one will not be put down in any situation.

Nhận xét

  • Task achievement: Người viết có thể trả lời câu hỏi trong đề bài và thể hiện quan điểm rõ ràng. Tuy nhiên, ý tưởng chưa được khai triển triệt để, đặc biệt là ý số hai.
  • Coherence & Cohesion: Ý tưởng được nối kết với nhau, tuy nhiên phần mở bài chưa đạt về bố cục. Các ý tưởng trong bài đúng chủ đề và hỗ trợ cho quan điểm của người viết.
  • Vocabulary: Từ vựng ở mức trung bình.
  • Grammar: Ngữ pháp ở mức tốt, tuy có vài lỗi nhỏ.

Sửa bài

Bấm xem ở chế độ toàn màn hình để thấy được phần sửa lỗi ở cột bên phải.